A friend sent me this quote yesterday and I really couldn't put it much better than this,

"I am fooling only myself when I say that my mother exists now only in the photographs on my bulletin board or in the outline of my hand or in the armful of memories I still hold tight. She lives on beneath everything I do. Her presence influenced who I was, and her absence influences who I am. Our lives are shaped as much by those who leave us as they are by those who stay. Loss is our legacy. Insight is our gift. Memory is our guide."

Though she is not here anymore she lives on in who I am! Thanks Mom!
 

Today is beautiful out! Ryan and I went to a nursery today to pick up a mothers day gift for Diane (Ryans Mom). It was so great to see all the beautiful colors out and the huge hanging baskets just waiting for people to pick them up. We purchased 2 huge ones for Diane to hang on her beautiful deck. Since spring has been so nasty to us Northwesters, I figure Summer will be amazing and with that assumption I sat down with a note pad and pen to write our summer to do list. Every year I do this but with a baby on the way I got started early.

Here is how I approach my to do list:
1st: I write down any projects that didn't get accomplished over winter.
2nd: I walk the property and around the house not excluding the garage.
3rd: I have a mind set, "if I were to put my house on the market tomorrow..."
4th: When I think the list is done, I add one more thing.
5th: (a new step) Put a date or weekend to the task. PLAN for it.
6th: Price it out. There are many things that you can do around your house that cost a lot of $, but there are many more that don't cost a dime:0)
7th: Do it!

Our list is not huge but I know the pay off will be well worth. Last year we built a beautiful fire pit, that even with the nasty weather we have already used 3 times this spring. Ahhhh, some of you are wondering what may be on our list this year? I will update with pictures when we accomplish them:0)

AHHHHHHH! Oh my goodness. The list of things to register for is outrageous. From cotton swaps to a mattress. Seriously, how did people back in the day (i mean wagon times) do this:0) However I did get to spend some great time with Ryans mom. Didnt finish it all and will need to go back. Next time I will be prepared.

Yesterday began the nesting. We moved all the rooms around to start the nursery, today I primed the babies room so that when we find out what were having we will be ready to start the process of decorating. While taking breaks I would sit at the computer researching items to register for. The list seems so long. Im really starting to get excited. But in the middle of all this I wish I had my own mom to be here.

February 23 is her birthday. She would be turning 61 years old. Though she never looked more then in her 40's. I wish everyone could have met her. She had these amazing blue eyes. Short blond hair with dark underneath. She was more then 1/2 native american. Her skin was always dark with a red under tone. She always wore her boots and jeans no matter the occasion.  However she did wear an amazing hot pink dress for my brother Jeff's wedding. She commanded a room when she walked in. It's funny, I can remember so many details about her. 

Lately I seem to think more about her and my dad. Not just because of the anniversary of the plane crash but because as I embark on this amazing journey of motherhood. I wonder what she would think, the advice she would give, how excited she would be and how she would have reacted at the wonderous news. However in the midst of the tears, I find incredible joy. Knowing that this is something regardless of her being here or not I get to share something with her.

Im sure she felt the same feelings as I have. She was an incredible woman. I have many many memories of her. However more then anything, I remember the woman of God she was. Many people dont know their story. How God brought them through veitnam, bankruptcy, multiple socerosis, almost divorce, 2 month premature daughter, failed business, lots of debt and many more difficult things. It made her who she was. It built her character, it tested her integrity, it exposed her weekness, it strenghened her. She learned how to stand in the face of the enemy and declare her victory. She learned to trust God. She lived completely for God. She relied on prayer.

I remember the woman of God she was. Every morning while I sat and ate my breakfast I would watch her rock in her favorite rocking chair and listen to her pray. Its funny though she probably didn't realize she was teaching me the greatest lesson in Life. She would get up from her chair and take me to the bus, She would then say the words I heard every day of my life. "everything you put your hand to will prosper, and you will have favor and high esteem from God and all those who look upon."

When I find myself worried about motherhood. I remember those exact words. And I remember the greatest lesson in life I could ever teach my child is the importance of prayer.

Love you mom!

Crsh02knights

Many of you have already heard but 2009 is a huge year for Ryan and I. We are having a BABY! Yes a BABY! I am 14 weeks pregnant with our first child. We have been very blessed. A little over a year ago I went through some tests to see how my body was, My doctor informed us in October of 07 that in order for us to have children we would need to go on hormone replacements. It was devastating news for us. I sat on our bed and wept. I felt completely robbed and taken from. What is supposed to be a completely natural thing would be nothing natural at all. I made an appointment with a fertility specialist in January of 08.
 
However Ryan and I talked and we both felt that it wasn't the right timing for us. I canceled the appointment. We knew that God made us over comers, that He would give us the strength and that He still heals today. After 10 months and 45lbs of weight loss, we were pregnant.  We were both ready but knew my health was more important at the time.
   
 On Thanksgiving morning I woke up and just knew I was pregnant. After dozens of negative tests and huge disappointment, you begin to anticipate the negative sign, however this time it was positive. I didn't believe the first one so I took two more all confirming that yes indeed we were pregnant!
    
That night we told our family and some close friends, but we made a promise we wouldn't say anything until January. Well February is closing in and we are now telling people. I have learned many things in 08. And that is not to underestimate the power of GOD. He is our sustaining power. He is our comforter, and our shelter. He is bigger then any circumstance, any diagnoses, because HE IS!

So this year we will learn many many more lessons, and I know the common one will be how amazingly good our God is!

Wow it has been a very long time since I have lasted posted anything. What have been up to? Many things. But every time i sit down to write something I have a loss of words and cant find anything to say. I do know that Thanksgiving is right around the corner. This year we're celebrating it with Ryan's family and mine. Like always we join together. Makes things easier for Ry and I.

I have already started on the stage decor for the church. I am very excited for this years Christmas decor. My goal is to bring the outside in. There will be lots of lights!!!!! Outdoor illumination is my expertise!

VERY EXCITED!

On August 1st, 2003 @ the Grand Hyatt, Downtown Seattle, Ryan and I got married. I could not have married a more amazing man then Ryan. On our anniversary we both went and got massages. I was asked a question from the missus, "what is your biggest peice of advice?" I was taken back by her question, Most of the time people are giving me advice about marriage (whether asked for or not). I laid there thinking. I started to think of everything people have said to me.

"Marriage is about 100/100. Not 50/50." (Hazel, my grandma)
"If there wasnt any dirty laundry it would mean that he is not in your life." (Melinda, my sister) I must remind myself when I pick it up sometimes. Then it makes me laugh.
"Do what works for you" (Rachel)
"Write your own journey" (Jeff, my brother)
"Dont let the sun go down on your wrath" (The Bible)
"Love each other more then yesterday and yet never so little again" (Linda, my mom)

There is so much addvice out there. But i figure after 5 years I think I should at least have a small say,

"Never take each other too seriously, have fun"

Ryan is my best friend, and if it were not for him making me laugh  I would be a very sad person. I pray that as we continue grow to God that we will continue to grow to each other. I love you Ryan and thank you for be being my extraordinary.

 Here is a wedding picture in occidental park, seattle.

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Here is a picture in chelan, Washington on our 5th anniversary.

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